Marriage Monday: The enemy of engaging

February 26, 2018

He mentioned to me regularly that he hated my phone.  In fact, on multiple occasions, he’d take it out of my hand and toss it across the room or hide it under a pillow.  I genuinely didn’t understand the issue.  I am a woman.  I can multi-task like no. ones. business.  I can absolutely hear you tell me about your day (or a football game score that we both know means nothing to me) AND scroll Pinterest AT THE SAME TIME.  I’m magic like that.  I really didn’t get what the issue was.

Until he started a new career.  One that has his phone going off – constantly.  And has his nose (you guessed it) shoved in his own phone.

We were sitting at the bar in our kitchen one afternoon when I suddenly felt simultaneously annoyed & humbled.  I was trying to talk to him about something & he kept checking the dings that were going off on his phone.  I felt like a mirror was on the other side of that bar.  I finally realized how I’d made him feel.  How disengaged I had been during times he was trying to have a conversation with me.

Here’s the truth:  Phones aren’t going anywhere.  Technology begs for more & more of our time with every new device – singing it’s love songs in our ear with every alert and ringtone.  It’s best to acknowledge it’s either a current issue or a potential issue (yes, even if you are an amazing multi-tasker like myself) and find ways to prevent your phone from sneaking between you & your partner now.

Today’s challenge is simple.
Make a conscious effort to put it down.  Turn off the volume.  Set it aside.  Focus on conversation & check the sports scores later.  Make your partner feel like your priority in that moment, and they may reciprocate back.

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